Now I know I haven’t written any movie scripts myself… lately. But I fail to be impressed by Juno, sure I chuckled few times, maybe even slapped a knee or two, but I just don’t see what all the hype’s about.

I love my town as much as the next person, that means I think it’s alright, from time to time I’ll say ‘yeah, I live in Minneapolis’ or whatever. My favorite part about living here is how bonkers everyone gets whenever Minnesota is mentioned in anything. I’m like, not even from here, I’m from the legendary town of San Francisco, where if a screenwriter was a stripper it ain’t no th(a/o)ng.

That brings me to my opinion: Juno wasn’t that great, I don’t see the hype, I find it pretty unsettling that people sit in their seats, totally fawning over some cheesy teenaged pregnancy movie and accepting it as insightful because it’s indie.

Our culture (the teen, totally hip) seems based on the illusion of authenticity and this idea of ‘homemade’ crap. First off, nothing is authentic and nobody makes stuff forreal anymore, and if they do, it absolutely HAS to look like they made it, or else, what’s the point? If you see Juno, it has this little animation sequence in the beginning that has a cute little style that looks like a collage-type etched thing somebody whipped up on photoshop, am I supposed to find this charming? It’s weird how we always try to act so intimate when our culture is only developing to drive us further apart from each other.

Also, I find it pretty ridiculous how reviewers never fail to mention Diablo Cody’s stint in the stripping business, like being a stripper these days has total kitsch value. Shows what kind of crock of a society we’re living in. It’s that whole idea of being ‘real’, and ‘living life’ that we get. I’m no one to judge, being a stripper is legit, but it seems like her attitude totally takes advantage of it, like “I just had to do it, to live my life, man” or, “I’m a stripper, isn’t that ridiculous?!” And in this crazy, overly-ironic tone that hangs like a shroud over artistic expression and living as a whole, you can never be too sure of people’s motives. Either she is, or reviewers are, but they are totally turning it, and exploiting the fact to further how ‘aware’ Juno is as a movie.

The opening shot makes you nervous like, uh oh, I smell contrivedness.

Also, you can’t help but feel all the one liners that people are raving about are just cast-offs from other projects, or little puzzle pieces that could fit anywhere. I couldn’t help but feel like the story was undeveloped, maybe I’m just totally frigid, but relationships seemed, as a whole, pretty undynamic and I didn’t feel really happy or sad when anything happened. I felt unaffected.

Also, just like ‘going green’, ‘indie’ is a little hot term people like to attach on to things like a carabiner. Audiences are perfectly ok with being spoon-fed anything called indie and emerging from ‘an indie experience’, ‘really learning something’ and thinking they are all the better because of it. Because it’s ‘grass-roots’ we think we’re supporting the little man (ok, Cody deserves her piece of the pie). But the movie is just like any other, in that it only makes you feel inadequate, like your ‘love’ isn’t ‘real’ or whatever, because you don’t sing Kimya Dawson songs to your significant other. I know that sounds like I’m just jealous because I don’t have Michael Cera in love with me. But it’s just as impossible as Sixteen Candles. We think because it’s set in a realistic place with normal looking people, that it’s more ‘real’ than anything else. Since the dawn of Napolean Dynamite, people have gone totally nuts over anything with awkward silences and anything that seems objectively closer to their daily lives.

I just felt disturbed, I mean, could people actually accept this stuff? It’s not so much that I totally hated the movie, yeah sure it’s cute (nothing I go for, I’m into ‘feel-bad’ movies), it’s just the whole over-hyping of it. It’s like a mass of people moving into a small town, it can’t be underground if there’s no mystery, let people discover it for themselves. All our culture is focused on being ‘original’. Well I got a news flash for ya, there ain’t enough originality to go around, toots, so get out your bat and start swingin’, because, just like Beanie Babies, supplies are limited.

Well, Juno was ok, if you like cutesy movies and don’t mind a typical mainstream view of what ‘indie’ film is, then see it, Ellen Page and Michael Cera are cute, and I’m sure it will make you want to be in love, or whatever. If you’re like me and let everyone get you down, then don’t go, stay at home and watch E! with your mom like you always do. Happy trails, support your local cinema!